I am so much thrilled, ladies and gentlemen, and to lament on some things like those of H.E. Peter Ndambiri Deputy Governor Kirinyaga county would actually ruin my beautiful feeling tonight! I mean guys, can’t a man have a good time without the world making a fuss about it? Most of you, yes you, do these things only that nobody is there to film you or manipulate what is rather meant to be a pleasurable experience! All the same, as I always say, let me be fattened by mine alone!
Rais, Uhuru Kenyatta, manze we waited for you so much today. If only you had an idea of how much I had rehearsed for my handshake with you, you would have reconsidered the Video Link! To tell you the truth, these people would not have breathed on Facebook for a whole year! Haidhuru, let me see if I can manage the handshake from Rt. Hon Raila Odinga tomorrow, hoping him too won’t send us a link! Am certain that the chief hustler H.E William Samoei Ruto will definitely show up on Thursday, I mean this is the DP we are talking about, kusema na kutenda! Ala my fren!
Ah, by now you guys know that am on holiday (well, I know that those I owe wouldn’t be happy reading this, but hey, it’s not what it looks like 🙂 am on a Government assignment) here in the West. I will give you details later on what Devolution has achieved and sets to achieve in the coming days. Yaani Kakamega is so small for such a group of visitors, people have given out their homesteads, hotels are full and a big delegation is sleeping in adjacent towns like Bungoma, Busia, Kisumu and Mumias! Here, my friend Sammy Msafiri would have eaten with a spoon if he provided sleeping tents! Not to worry bro, we hope the conference comes closer home!
Now, to the juicy gossip of today….I met a girl! Oh boy, truth is, I met so many people a bigger number of them ofcourse are them ghels! Well, on my liking for the ghels, I feel like am called to a special ministry…Huduma ya kutia kina dada Moyo wala sio mimba…that’s my calling and I am ready to be used, to serve selflessly withholding nothing! First things first though, WaLuhya, yes the world knows that you love tea. Infact we, the world, acknowledge that you are in a stable relationship with the thermos and it’s contents! We, the universe, further understand that your future with tea is brighter than the bleached face of Huddah Monroe KE! Yes, we understand that as a people, you need tanks….but what has surprised me the most is that instead of preserving water in these tanks, you have turned them into tea tanks! Tea running from taps in the place of water! This is true love, unconditional love for tea! Anyway again,let me be fattened by mine!
Naliaka is a fine woman! Even finer for her brains, she teaches Geography (a subject I never loved at all but am revisiting…. ;-)..) and Kiswahili! Naliaka is beautiful, even beautifuller when her dimples form from her platinum smile. Her eyes are too cute, even cuter under the diamond glow of her pupils. Naliaka is the right size, even righter in her lean eight-shaped body – my kind by the way. Naliaka’s heart is kind, she served me tea with all the kindness of the world, she served me again even the maize, she is a-maize-ing!! I took tea, I took again until I almost got drunk of it! Naliaka’s walk is majestic, each cat walk had her bum bum spell out both of my names, and the speed of it changed sometimes….Cyrus..Kiarie! Cyrus…Kiarie! C..K, C…K! My Lord! This alone is enough to make my good friend Yoweri Kaguta Museveni step down and hand over power to Kizza Besigye just by one stare! Naliaka’s voice is soothing, that which the wahenga said on Nyoka and Pangoni! That alone is enough to open the gates of heaven and cause an Odi Dance on Abraham, his wife Sarah and his son Isaac! Ah, people do you feel me?
I tell you the truth, I said to myself that if I leave Kakamega without anything, it cannot be without Naliaka. Even in the middle of her serving the 8,000 of us, I brought the que to a stand still and tapped those numbers of her on this old Huawei Mobile of mine! Naitwa Cyro! Moving too fast ni wewe, success loves speed just like David Nderitu Ndung’u loves to put it, infact the maiden call was a few minutes ago! I have two more days to confirm and on a second visit my brothers Mussolini Dan and Musa Wa Laikipia you better learn a few Luhya words, hata kama ni salamu pekee, hawa ma_ango hawapendi ujinga! Hizi diaries ziishe sasa!
The rest of you, vitenge pimisheni, fare 5,000/- haitaisha…tukuje huku tena, harusi na ruracio ni the same day, hii safari sio mchezo!
Watoto wetu na Naliaka watakua LuKuyu….am not chai about it, nimeTEA!
Tûirio twega! Translation, sleep well!
#DiariesOfABachelor
#GiveMeSomeLuhyaGhel
nikiarie 